Pain
He had no right to do that to me.
No right to hurt me like that.
I just became part of his family, so why me?
He doesn't deserve to be called family, but maybe rat.
He was supposed to protect me, not cause pain,
He should have known better,
But he still asked to play that game.
I agreed, but I was only four. I didn't know better.
He told me to do stuff which didn't seem fun.
So when I refused he bribed me with gum.
When that didn't work he went on to toys.
I don't remember anything else
And truth be told I don't think I want to.
One other detail comes to mind though
I got the bear, but didn't want it anymore,
So in the trash can is where it goes.
Tears
Why can't I shed these tears?
Why don't I let them out?
What good does it do to keep them in
When it keeps the pain there too?
Why can't I tell the people who care?
Why won't I let them see?
Why must I continue this charade?
Why can't they just know me?
When did you take my life from me?
How did you do just that?
You took away my sense of security
Long ago on that one awful night.
When did I let you win?
When did I just give up?
Do I have any chance of getting it back?
Can I ever shed a tear once more?
Because of You
Because of you I can never live.
Because of you I might never trust.
Because of you I can't let my feelings show.
Because of you I might never grow.
Because of you only one person got through
The wall I built to keep me safe.
Because of you I have to struggle to let her stay.
Because of you I will never know
How to be the carefree girl
That was destroyed long ago.
Because of you my life was changed
And now I must face the consequences of your mistake.
Because of one stupid thought that was in your head
I can never be the same again.
Past, Future, Now
There is the haunting past.
There is the mysterious future.
Then there is the now
Where nothing makes sense.
The past is filled with pain,
But I always knew what I wanted.
I always knew how I felt,
But not now.
The future is filled with dreams
And ways to make them real.
It contains the hope that wasn't lost,
But not now.
The now is filled with confusion.
Minds changing every second.
People moving different directions.
Friends growing apart.
Friend
Do you know how grateful I am for you?
Do you know how much I need you?
Do you know what it is that you do for me?
You make my life better
And in many ways easier.
Your always understanding
And have an ear to listen
Or even a shoulder when I need it.
You let me know when you think I'm wrong
But never make me feel bad.
You congratulate me when I'm right
Making me feel better
And when I can help you out
You make me feel wanted and needed
You make my life worth living
And I thought it was time you knew.
No Escape
There is no escape from my past
Why do they make it last?
I blame this on you!
Was that something you had to do?
I was only four,
You were nine years older.
Yet you took my life in your hands
And raped me anyways.
This is going to be posted.
People deserve to know what you did.
I was new to the family
And now I'll never be the same.
I can't even get through history class
Without thinking about my past.
Harry’s Perspective
When will they learn to believe me?
In my first year I was right about the sorcerer's stone.
But did they believe me? No.
In the second year I was right about the chamber.
But did they trust me? Not at all.
In the third year I was right about Sirius.
But did they listen? No way.
In the fourth year I was right about Voldemort.
But they all say that I must be nuts.
In the fifth year only a handful has learned
That they should believe me no matter how the world turns.
In the sixth year I lost someone close.
He was the one person who always believed me.
In my seventh year I dropped out of Hogwarts
And defeated Voldemort at a high cost.
I was, however, finally able to marry the girl of my dreams
And we had three amazing children.
Hurt
I can't believe he'd do this
Did he think I wouldn't find out?
Did he think I'd continue to let it happen?
Did he think I couldn't feel? Why would he do this?
Why would he think I wouldn't find out?
Why would he think I'd continue to let it happen?
Why would he think I couldn't feel?
Will someone please explain
How he could hurt me so?
Jerks
You think it's funny
When you ask me out as a joke on your buddy.
You don't care that I get hurt in the process.
You think it's funny
That you can manipulate to get what you want.
Does it even matter that it hurts me?
You think it's funny
And laugh at the weird girl who is all alone
Do you realize I go home and cry alone as well?
You think it's funny
But it isn't
Think how would you feel if it was you?
Sick
I'm sick of trying to be liked by all
When I end up pushing everyone away.
I'm sick of pretending I don't give a damn
When your words hurt me so bad.
I'm sick of pretending not to care
When caring is all I really do.
I'm sick of pretending that I don't hurt inside
When the pain is almost unbearable at times.
I'm sick of pretending to be someone I'm not
But it is way to hard to stop.
Tired
I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm nice all the time.
I'm tired of everyone thinking I can't make mistakes.
I'm tired of everyone thinking my life is just great.
I'm tired of feeling like I have to watch what I say.
I'm tired that people think they can blow up in my face
And then get mad when I blow back in theirs.
I'm tired of people getting on to me for things I didn't say
I'm tired of people acting like I don't have feelings too.
I'm just tired of all this crap in my life.
I Give
I give up, I can't take in anymore
I'm through running, its time to stop and face my fears
My head says it wasn't my fault,
But try and explain that to my heart.
My siblings and parents rarely visit that side
Though they are only two hours away.
And I never go and visit them.
I've heard them whispering I know what they think.
They think I'm at fault and he is the innocent one.
The sad thing is, in my heart I agree with them.
Though my head says there was nothing I could do.
What's past is past and there is nothing you can do
Just forget and move on, are the words that I hear.
Don't you think I would if I could?
Do you think I enjoy it every time my mind replays it
Or that I'm happy that my family is fighting.
I force my grandparents to choose between their kids.
That my birth father rarely visits.
He stopped visiting shortly after the incident.
And he lives two hours away.
I didn't choose for any of this to happen,
But it did and I know I can't change it.
So I give up
That is it I'm through I will no longer hide.
I'm coming after you.
Love
You feel lost and alone
But there is no need.
There is someone I know
Who loves you endlessly.
This man gave his life
For you and everyone else.
He was tortured for sins
He could never commit.
This guy was perfect
He could do no wrong.
He raised the dead
And healed the sick.
His name is Jesus
And he is just waiting
To hear from someone he loves.
He's waiting to hear from you.
Taking Back
It is time to take back
What is rightfully mine
You've had it long enough
But this life is mine.
I couldn't fight you when I was four
But that was fourteen long years ago.
I've learned a lot since then
So you're going down.
I know how to fight back
And stand up for what is right.
I want what is mine
And I'll take it back tonight.
Freedom
I've cried for freedom
But my mind won't let the past go
I've tried to move on
But the pain still resides
It might not look it
But I'll never give up
One day I'll be free
And you'll be the one in chains
My past might haunt me now
But one day the tables will turn
Until then I shall carry on strong
Because my God will always be there.
Walls
I built these walls long ago
To help protect myself
Now they do more damage than good
For they have kept me to myself
They push people away
For they can't get in
Some don't bother to try
Others just give in
I have tired to take them down
But they just won't budge
They just grow bigger and bigger
When will it ever end?
Wishes & Dreams
I wish for once I could just be me.
That I would no longer pretend
Or have to hide apart of me.
I dream of one day knowing who I really am.
I've pretended for so long
I seem to have lost myself.
I wish I knew what I really wanted.
Where I want to work
What I want to learn
I dream of knowing.
That I'm living my dream
And doing what I want.
~Nina
